A Case For The Black Man.

There is something about dark skin, its more than the colour, it's the honor of having African flow in your blood. There is something about the African man that is more than how tall, dark and handsome he is, its about his tenacious spirit. it doesn't matter what you put a black man through he will get over it, he is always moving. All over the world the black man is under some form of attack, in most of the world he is considered a threat that must be muzzled and even terminated. Isn't it interesting that the world has recognized the force that the black man is, but we black people are yet to acknowledge this truth.

last Sunday was father's day, the one day we get to celebrate our dads. I for one was not sure whether to celebrate it or not. A phone call or a text is sufficient in most cases. There is a hardness of heart that comes after you have seen some things, a nonchalant i love, respect and wish you well, but i will not be investing any more Kind of attitude. Dad and i have been in that place for a while, we are en route healing and all that, some days we laugh, on some we are silent and some days we just don't know.

I don't think i would have had the desire to want to understand men had dad and I not fallen out. I probably would have been complacent about it, the men have always been like that or all men are the same rhetoric would have worked for me. I seek understanding because I now know that things don't just happen, people don't just become and ignorance is never bliss. I continue to learn and what I know has changed my perspective on who men are and who men can be.

I have learnt that at the core of every man is the need to provide for and protect those they care for. Men actually care about people. Men have the capacity to truly love, to have integrity, fidelity, commitment, compassion, passion, men have feelings. Many men want to be the best version of themselves, they want to live a fulfilling life, a legacy for the generations that come after them, they have the capacity, intelligence and drive that can change the course of nations but because they are human, they can be also be broken, empty,lost, weary,confused and toxic.

I am so glad i am a woman, thank God for the 21st century! Now women are more empowered and we can literally be anything, not saying that its a walk in the park but we have options, we have support systems and things are getting better for the female. Men on the other hand are put in boxes from the day they set foot on the earth, there is a way a man is supposed to talk, you have to dress like this, emotions are for weak people, anything that makes you appear soft throws your street cred off balance, respect is the preserve of men who drive expensive cars and live fancy lives everyone else is a boy and nobody has time for boys, a real man deals with things, carries the weight of the whole world on his shoulders and doesn't flinch about it, you ain't man enough if you cant fix things, all men cheat, all men lie.

I am learning that every man is on a journey and many are products of the things they have been through. Many men have seen dark days in this life, many have silent struggles that nobody knows about. They show up everyday and they look okay but deep down they need a break,they need a place they can find rest, they need to exhale. The truth is that as society we have made the world a very difficult place for a man to just be, it is hard to be a man out here in these streets. on one side are women who already have all these perceptions and rightly so and on the other hand are other men who have all this insight and experience on what being a man is all about, some of it very limiting. All these while the reality of everyday life still persists, reggae is going on.

I am learning that many men walk alone. they could be in crowds and have friends and family but at the core of them they don't feel respected, appreciated or understood. Men sacrifice a lot,they work so hard , they do the best they can, they are always pouring into others but they have no one to nourish and refresh them. Many men feel judged, they are certified douchebags regardless of how hard they try to turn things around, many feel they are not good enough. This status of things is taking its toll on our men, research shows that many young men are suffering from different forms of depression, in Kenya the number of men that commit suicide is three times that of women. in the world over men are dying faster and at a younger age compared to women.

It is heart breaking to say the least but the truth is something has gone horribly left side. We can continue to bury our heads in the sand or we can challenge ourselves and make a difference. I want to be the kind of woman that is a walking, breathing safe space for the men in my life.i want to leave this legacy for my daughters and my grand children that a man must be treated with respect and a man must be honoured. I want my dad, my brothers, sons,friends, my man to find rest when they come home, a place they can just chill and trust that they are loved in all their colors, no matter where they are in their journey.

I am learning how to communicate better, how to express myself in a manner that can be received as respect. I am reminding myself to check my tone and the words i use, to deal with my anger better. I am more intentional about letting staff go because mistakes will be made and appreciating the little things. i am warming up to using the words 'i need you' , Jesus is helping me with this one hehe. Bottom line is i want the men in my life to know for a fact that they are loved, appreciated and needed. Some days i fail completely but i wake up the next day and try again.

To our black men, you have a role to play as well, keep working on yourselves and talk to us yo, help us do better.Also pray, dear black man ,please pray.

May we not just notice our men, may we start to really see them,

May we have the patience to build our niggaz and not tear them down,

May we be excited about creating safe spaces,

May we remember to keep it classy when they piss us off and drive us crazy ! 😊

See you next post,

adios.