Hope you have been well friends, welcome and happy reading😊😊.
I have been thinking about this topic for weeks and even as i write there is a little tag of war ensuing in my heart and mind, it's a sensitive topic and i pray for the courage to start and finish. Girl child,wherever you are reading this from, you are beautiful,exotic,so precious to the heart of God. This is for me too, so no judgement here. From the begining of time, women have been considered and treated different from men, beneath not equal. I mean there was a time women were not allowed to vote, we were inherited like property, meant to be seen not heard and so for millenia women were subjugated by patrichy all over the world, relegated to spectators of their own destinies, prisoners to the dictates of the very fathers and sons they bore.
Fast foward to the 21st century, we can vote now. Women can choose to be more than mothers and wives, we can in many ways determine the course of our lives. The war is'nt over yet though, women continue to be marginalized even though we are the majority, there is still a long way to go in terms of empowering the female.In parts of the world young girls are still being exchanged for livestock or as settlement for family debt ,there's also Sexual harrasment and asault, In many ways it's still a man's world out here.
Thus goes the tale of the reality of being a woman, from a history of neglect and abuse to a present state of persistent confrontation and aggitation before any emoulment can be granted to our thoughts, needs and lives even, coupled with the glaring dread that if we stay silent or get lazy for a single moment then we could wake up and suddenly be back to 1890 all over again when it was a curse to be born female. So we must remain vigilant everywhere, at home, work ,at school, in the bus, on the internet and at all times because at no cost can history be given room to repeat itself. Traumas we've gone through growing up or horrible experiences in relationships, romantic and otherwise form part of the history many women are constantly grappling with, it's the battle to be seen, to be respected. Girls just want to have a voice.
In the family context, many women have been forced to step into the roles of men because a growing number of men continue to make choices that are inconsistent with healthy family life. The realities of these prevailing circumstances have caused many women to be hard coreish and strength of a woman is increasingly being defined as thinking like a man, not needing a man, doing what a man can do. The innate attributes of being female are slowly being erroded. Being gentle, warm, kind, generous,gracious,patient, silent are now cute traits to have but they no longer depict strength.
I understand the need for control, the need to avoid hurt and pain at all costs and it is said that if you want something done well, do it yourself and the truth is women are equally cabable in every way compared to men, and what a man can do, i can do too, even better if i do say so myself. Many men have failed to comprehend the female soul and as a result women have been neglected and abandoned and thus there is a thirst for control, the need to dominate the man, the need to be self sufficient in all aspects,to self preserve, needing no man, the means be damned. While i understand the heart and hurt of a woman and the unfair world in which we live,I move to differ with this thinking today, I dare to say that a woman's essence lies in her ability to influence everything and everyone around her and not in her efforts to dominate and take control.
I belive that as women we have the capacity and grace to influence. whether we know it or not we are watering or poisoning the world around us, everyday we are nurturing people and things and bringing forth new life. Influence is simply the ability to teach, guide, advise and support from a place of knowledge, wisdom and understanding while control is driven by fear,selfishness,pain and ignorance.
I have found that our manner of influence is shaped by two things. Thing one, our experiences and thing two, the state of our hearts. Our experiences inform our knowledge. The pool of information that we use as points of refference emanates from what has been collected in our concious and sub concious mind over time, our environment,what we have been taught, what we have been exposed to. The good book tells us that as a man (both male and female) thinketh in his heart, so he is and we are further admonished to guard our hearts with all dilligenece because it determinnes the course of our lives. The state of our hearts determines how we see everything and everyone around us.
When i think of control, it manifets in the most subtle expressions such as labeling and name calling, emotional and physical abuse,giving ultimatums, rejection, unhealthy competition, unforgiveness, comparison and critisism, emotional blackmail,manipulation,deception and exploitation. Influence differs from control because it acknowledges and honours other pertinent truths of life such as, free will, seasons of life and the sovereignity of God. Influence understands that it is not fair to make demands on a man's conscience, that it is wrong to impose our desires on others. Men must be allowed to decide who they want to be, men must be given room to make mistakes, men must be given time to evole, Men must be given room to change their minds. Men, because they are human, must be given time to heal.
I am learning that embracing influence equips me to love people for who they are, not who i want them to be or who i can make them into. I now know for sure that I, Lavender, can Never change a man and I have no desire to. I can be a muse of sorts, inspiration even but the decision to be or not to be is for every man to make on their own, at their own time, when they are ready. In any case the most attractive men are those who have their own mind and are confident and comfortable in their own skin. Lasting change and growth breathes in freedom of self determination. A man must choose you deliberately, willingly, consistently.
So here are some of the perks of influence:-
✨ You spend more time working on you so you can have positive impact on everything around you. It makes you appreciate what goes into character development and healing, that way you will recognize it when you see it and you will value it,also, its simply hypocritical to demand for what you cannot give.
✨It saves you time. One of the most liberating truths i have learnt is that a woman cannot change a man, take him as he is or leave him alone. No more taking time trying to transform him, when he is well and ready he will do it and at that point you can support. A man must be formidable and sound in himself first before you can step in
✨It helps you judge correctly. You can see people for who they are if you give them room to be themselves. Control deceives, it engeneers atmosphers and responses that are unreal and creates illusions because esentially your are purporting to create something that doesnt exsist.
✨Influence encourages healing, control demeans and condemns. Influence invites. control demands, It says you are not good enough so you must do this, be like this. think this way. When people can be themselves around you, there is room for authentic intimacy,connection, true frienndship and ultimately growth and change.
✨It sets you free! allowing men to decide for themselves ensures that you do not bare a burden that is not yours, everyone must take responsibility for the choices they make, its how being grown works.
✨Free men are happy men. Happy men are healthier, more excited about life, they live longer, they have the strength to love and to protect those they love and they are more fun to hang around.
In the words of Maya Angelou, 'love liberates, it doesnt hold, that's ego' and whitney Huston said listen, 'share my life, take me for what i am, coz i will not change all my colours for you'. We are all part of one big story called life and we are trying to find someone to write our stories with, if it flows it flows, if its not working say thankyou and let it go. Do not awaken love before its time, do your homework get to know people for who they really are, be patient with yourself but put in the work, heal. We need to be careful as women so we dont allow unhealed hearts turn us into the very vilains we despise.
May we have the conciousness to see how toxic we can be,
May we experience the strength and beauty of authentic femininity,
May we give the love we desire to receive.
Till next post,
adios ❤❤❤