It is written ,time and chance is given to all men. The unfolding of life is not solely dependent on physical strength or acumen, wealth, health and favour are not granted to the most brilliant or learned. The race of life is not for the swift, everyone has their own time. In a way there is a sense of relief from that statement, that there is only so much we are to do and ultimately after we have done our part that then, our fate will collide with our preparation and voila! destiny happens. However, the world we live in works different, there are entire timing systems and structures that have been hard wired into our human experience and the truth is society will look at you some type of way if any area of your life falls outside of set 'standards'. Hey there good people, its been a real minute, hope you have been well, welcome😊
When a baby is born, there is an expectation that after a couple of months they should start crawling, by the time they are one year old they should be walking and making sounds. Our education systems have a set age when kids can start school, when to upgrade to high school and university and graduate into the world, get a job, get married, have babies, get them through school and give them away in marriage, retire and the cycle starts all over again for new generations. Ideally norms decide for us the course of our lives way before we enter the scene. What happens though, when your life isn't in sync with the expectations of society? What if you never had an education, or you don't want to have children or want to get married in your 60's? What do you do when your life isn't looking the way people think it should? What do you do with unplanned detours or seeming dead ends?
To avoid the stares and whispers that come with falling outside of societal expectations, most of us have conformed to these standards. we have allowed ourselves to become what is required of us, we silently flow through life scarred to rattle status quo and especially for those of us who have had 'troubled' childhoods or are finding our way through adulting, The expectation is that you stay put, keep your head down and hope for the best. society has already assessed and pronounced what we can and cannot do, who we can and cannot be.
The assumption that we move through life as a collective, is a fallacy. each of us comes into the world with a timeframe and a mandate, a path, a journey that we must walk. Whether it is in education, at the work place, in marriage, parenting, running your own business, finding your purpose, starting over , we each have a trajectory that is uniquely ours and plays an important role in steering us to destiny. An attempt to be like someone else is essentially deviating from your own path, its living someone else's life, ridding the world of that extra spice that is you.
Over the years I have learnt to appreciate the uniqueness of my journey, it wasn't always the case though. There were days, many days that I despised it, there's so many times I looked back and thought I could have done so much better, I wasn't smart enough, tough enough, brave enough, good enough. The whispers also got really loud, I almost drowned in these opinions and ideas that people had, its by grace that they didn't get into my head. I have come to appreciate the seasons of life, now when I look in the mirror I don't even recognize myself, I've got the heart of a winner, staring back at me is someone else
( in Dappy's singing voice😎 ) No regrets just lessons and growth. I'm so into the woman I'm becoming and she wouldn't be here today if I had walked someone else's walk.
Here's what I am learning about pacing myself through this life:-
1. Work with what you've got.
In the seasons where things are looking murky and you do not have everything you need to move to the next level, don't give up, don't insist on perfection, use what you've got for as long as you can, be patient with yourself.
2. Build Capacity.
Use the not so good times to learn more, meet people, seek out mentorship, read books, get more information and knowledge about where you are and how to get to where you want to be. There's nothing new under the sun, someone somewhere has been exactly where you are in this moment, seek and you shall find the help you need.
3. Don't despise small beginnings
Take life one day at a time, especially if you are starting over, build your strength steadily. keep your eyes on the price, waswahili husema mwenda pole hajikwai.
4. Look up and Ahead.
There's pressure to look down when life isn't looking a certain type of way. we humans have a lot to say especially about things we don't understand. Most people will not understand your journey, don't be mad at them, don't let words and actions drain your resolve. keep your head up.
5. You are as strong as your support system.
I'm learning that people in our lives can love us to death and still not understand our journey, they silently struggle with why we do what we do. It is important to remember that people cannot take you where they have never been. Discern who to confide in, know who to talk to about what, manage your expectations. Honour those who love you, never take them for granted.
6. Keep Praying.
God is good all the time, even when it seems like he has forgotten about you. The greatest transformations and elevation in life are always preceded by seasons of adversity, dark days. Good thing is they don't last forever, joy will come in the morning. sit tight. In His mercy God makes all things beautiful at his own time. All things work together for good, for those that love the lord and are called to his purpose. sometimes we don't have the words, tears are also prayers, its okay to cry.
7. Catch the Lessons.
There's so much to learn and every phase of life comes with its own lessons. The only way to graduate to the next phase is to pass the test, otherwise, the same class will be in session over and over until you catch the lesson. Today's lessons will come in handy in the next phase, so take notes. The idea is to grow through what you go through, break unhealthy cycles.
8. Live for today.
Don't get too caught up preparing for tomorrow and forget to live for today. laugh a lot, dance in the rain, drink some wine, fall in love. Be a kid and an adult all at the same time, make new memories, pursue what excites you, count your blessings. life is for the living and we only get to live once.
The ultimate truth is that all things considered, I am not where I thought I would at this time in my life, but I've always been exactly where I needed to be. In the times I fell off course, in His mercy God always restored me back to alignment with destiny. I don't know what dreams you have, what is it that you desire that seems to elude you or seems out of your reach? Keep going, rest if you must, your time will come if you don't give up. I leave you with the words of Tupac Shakur ' baby don't cry, hope you got your head up, even when the road is hard never give up'. They say courage is contagious, keep taking those bold steps you never know who you're inspiring, someone is always watching and when all is said and done you will be so glad you kept the faith.
May we have the courage to walk our journeys,
May we never loose faith because all things are possible,
May we give the same grace to others that we would like to receive,
May we learn how to live and let live.
See you next post sweet people,
Adios 😘